I Admit It. I’m in Love with Fear
我承认，我爱上了恐惧
Eileen Gu
谷爱凌
For the last 10 of my 18 years, I’ve pursued a tumultuous love affair with fear. I’m a professional freeskier, and twin-tipped skis, 22-foot halfpipes and double-cork rotations are my main sources of adrenaline, the truly addictive core of extreme sports.
在我18年人生中的后10年，我都与恐惧进行了一场动荡不安的恋爱。我是一名职业自由式滑雪运动员，双尖滑雪板、22英尺高的U型池和转体两周的动作就是我肾上腺素的主要来源，那是极限运动真正令人着迷的内核。
Like all bewitching lovers (at least the ones in the novels I read, for lack of real-world experience), this significant other can be…mercurial. “Fear” is really an umbrella term for three distinct sensations: excitement, uncertainty, and pressure. I’ve learned that the nuanced indicators of each of these feelings can be instrumental to success when recognized and positively leveraged, and harbingers of injury when ignored.
就像所有让人迷恋的情人一样（由于缺乏现实经验，至少是我在小说里读到的那种），这位重要的另一半可能是……善变的。“恐惧”实际上概括了三种不同的感官体验：兴奋、不确定性和压力。我已经明白，如果意识到并积极利用这每一种感官中的微妙指示，会对成功有帮助；如果忽视它们，往往就是受伤的先兆。
Though it’s easy to label extreme sport athletes as fearless or capricious, the countless hours I’ve spent visualizing tricks and practicing them in foam pits (foam. particles. everywhere) and on airbags (think giant Slip ’N Slide) suggest otherwise. It’s biologically counterintuitive for us to place ourselves in positions of risk, and while we make every effort to physically prepare, no amount of metaphorically safety-netted practice can equate to the unforgiving snow slope that rushes up to meet us after a steep kicker launches us into the air. Instead of ignoring fear, we build unique relationships with it by developing a profound sense of self-awareness and making deliberate risk assessments.
虽然极限运动员很容易被贴上无畏或不走寻常路的标签，但其实，我曾花无数个小时在海绵池（填满了泡沫和颗粒）和气垫上（想象一种巨型的Slip ’N Slide滑水道）想象做那些技巧动作的画面，并进行练习。把自己置于危险境地从生理上说是违背天性的，虽然我们尽一切努力做好了身体状态上的准备，但再多的所谓安全训练，也不能与无情的雪坡相提并论，在一个剧烈颠簸将我们抛入空中之后，它就直奔我们而来。我们不是忽视恐惧，而是通过探索深刻的自我意识和深思熟虑的风险评估，与恐惧建立独特的关系。
The work begins with visualization. Before I attempt a new trick, I feel a tightening high in my chest, between the base of my throat and the top of my diaphragm. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. As I ascend the gargantuan takeoff ramp, I imagine extending my legs to maximize lift. Then I picture twisting my upper body in the opposite direction I intend to spin, generating torque before I allow it to snap back the other way.
这个过程先从想象那个画面开始。在尝试一个新技巧之前，我喉咙底部和膈肌顶部之间的胸口会升起一阵紧张。我深吸一口气，闭上眼睛。我想象着在巨型起跳坡道中上升，伸展双腿以将腾空升力最大化。然后，我看到自己反向扭转上半身，做出我想要的翻转动作，产生力矩，直到我再让身体从另一个方向转回来。
Now, in my mind, I’m airborne. I see the backside of the takeoff immediately, then my flip draws my vision to the cloudless sky above me. My ears register the wind as a kind of song, every 360-degree rotation providing the beat to the music of my motion. As my feet come under me halfway through, I spot the landing for the briefest of moments before I pull my body into the second flip. I imagine my legs swinging under me as I return to a forward-facing position and meet the ground with my weight in the front of my boots. 1440 degrees. I smile. Then I open my eyes.
现在，在我的脑海里，我已经飞了起来。我可以在看到起跳点的背面之后，立刻转体将视线投向头顶万里无云的天空。在我听来，风也是一种音乐，每次360度转体都为我的动作带来了音乐节拍。当我的双脚在中途落下，我将身体转入第二个空翻前的一瞬间，我看到了落地点。我想象着双腿不断摆动，身体回到面向前方的姿势，将重心放在靴子前头着地。转体四周。我面带微笑。然后睁开眼睛。
In the split second following my visualization, the knot in my chest flutters and spreads – those famous butterflies reaching their final stage of metamorphosis. Excitement, the child of adrenaline, my true love and addiction. That tantalizingly precarious balance between confidence in my ability to execute the trick safely and excitement for the unpredictable experience to come. I’ve heard this state called “the zone,” which is indeed where I was when I became the first female skier in history to land the double cork 1440 last fall.
想象结束后的一刹那，堵在我胸口的疙瘩终于扑腾着舒展开来——就像化茧成蝶那著名的蜕变终章。随着肾上腺素而来的兴奋，就是我真正热爱和沉迷的东西。对安稳完成动作的自信，对即将到来的未知体验的兴奋，这两者之间那种摇摇欲坠的平衡让我欲罢不能。我听说这种状态被称为“化境”(the zone)，去年秋天，当我成为历史上第一个完成前空翻两周加转体四周的女性滑雪运动员时，我的确进入了那样的状态。
来源：NYT 日期：2022年2月9日
心译翻译工作室
英语翻译
